“Stop lying and leave me the f**k the alone. I can’t believe you would reach out again, I’m going to report you”- a Prospect

‍Get into sales, they said. It would be fun, they said. You open up your email one morning to find a nasty email in your inbox. You feel angry, defensive, maybe even hurt by their words. Or you’re making cold calls, and someone tells you off the same way that asshole in high school used too. (if you were that asshole in high school… karma will welcome you to sales) You feel a slap in the face or, for my more empathetic readers, the heart. At this point, feeling deflated, making another cold call or sending another email could be an attempt at summiting Mt. Everest. You have a choice. Let it derail the rest of the day or move on.

Sales is an ocean. Full of high tides, low tides, maelstroms, calm seas and everything in between. We can have all the support in the world while following a process, and still be tossed around by the waves. You’re going to be verbally abused on the phone or have nasty things written to you in emails. While it sucks, here’s the deal, it’s not up to the prospect to change their response, it’s up to you to change yours. I didn’t say change your reaction, I said change your response. The reaction is the emotions you feel during or immediately after the incident, the response is what you do next. If you’ve never separated the two, stop reading right now and go buy: Man’s Search for Meaning. This newsletter is now your challenge to learn to pull the two apart. You don’t get to choose the weather at sea, you do get to choose how you sail.

Moving on is far more difficult than we admit, especially if we haven’t practiced the art of acceptance. Stepping forward, unencumbered by the attitudes and actions of others is the art of acceptance. Learning to cultivate a pause between stimulus and response is how you build the foundation. Most of the time, we say we’re good, but that insulting email/call sticks with us throughout the day. It eats at you [if you let it] degrading our attitude as we struggle to put on a happy front and keep going. You don’t have to force happiness; you can learn acceptance and just simply move on.

Our constant challenge in sales is reducing the amount of imperfect information between us and our buyer. We strive to whittle away at unknowns of our buyer's position, but we’ll never learn everything. Like... if they spilled coffee on their phone that morning, or if their kids decided to color a mural on their home office door. Regardless of their interaction with us, we have the ability to maintain a constant positive attitude. To do that means learning to temper our highs and lows, gently flattening the peaks and troughs. Keeping a positive mental attitude through acceptance, provides the ability to tackle our sales activities every day, maintaining our flow no matter what happens externally.

‍“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”- Viktor Frankl

‍You will always have an emotional reaction, it’s the pause between it and our response that needs practice. Just like a talk track, if you don’t practice it you won’t be able to adjust it on the fly. There are many opportunities in daily life where you can practice the pause. You need to be determined enough to do it. The pause stops your emotional reaction from being tethered to the incident, which normally would derail your day, by allowing you to develop a response free from the emotion you’re feeling. As salespeople we have a responsibility to continue with our daily activities, as expected, regardless of negative reactions and responses from others. Someone else’s bad day and poor attitude never has to become yours, because you’re accepting that you can only control you. That’s freedom.

Caveat to all of this: Don’t be surprised at your prospect’s mean response if you didn’t put in the work. If you’re embodying the sleazy salesperson persona, ain’t no one has sympathy when you get a nasty email or short tempers on the phone. You know who you are. I’d normally say get off my lawn, this time, why don’t you stay on my lawn and learn something. Growth is a choice.

You CAN be in sales long term without emotional burnout. Cultivating the right mindset, practicing acceptance, and learning to lengthen your pause between stimulus and response are the tools you need. These tools aren’t intuitive, I have to practice them every day and many days I fail. In the failure grows your mindfulness. You’ll be more aware next time catching yourself before it’s too late. So this week when someone tells you to “f**k off”, your ship will stay the course, bow ready for the next wave.